Thursday, February 26, 2015

The time I forgot the spoons

Today I forgot the plastic spoons in my kids’ lunches.  May seem like a non-consequential act, but I was in tears about it.

Let me set the scene:
Alisa, my oldest girl, had mentioned to me that the plastic spoons might need to be put in their lunch bags sine she noticed there was applesauce cups in their lunches.  Background: she fears I will forget things.  She comes from a history of people forgetting to take care of her in very important ways.  It’s completely understandable that she would be somewhat hypervigilant about spoons in bags.

However, I was annoyed.

I went into a speech about how I’m the mom and how it’s my job to take care of her.  “You don’t need to worry about things like spoons; that’s MY job- the Mommy!”  I wasn’t yelling, but I wasn’t sweet.  I was quite sure I packed them in their brown sacks since I made sure to pack them the night before so they would be ready to go for their field trip.

Sweet girl that she is, just apoligized and moved on.  I was satisfied that she chose to trust me in that moment.

And then an hour after I had dropped off the girls at school I found them.  Plastic spoons on. the. counter.

All I could think in that moment was that Alisa must feel so uncared for and all her fears of me not taking care would come crashing in on her and she would have a melt down at the Tellus Science Museum!

May seem dramatic, but those were my thoughts.  I cried.  I felt terrible.  I felt shame.

I hold myself large in my mind; my actions are weighty and too important. 

He is bigger than my mistakes.  I am learning to hold both the true weight of my faults and mistakes in one hand and His covering and forgiveness in the other and forgive myself.

If you have a need to forgive yourself for something you did as a parent today, please do it!  You have been covered!  And no matter how much your actions loom large, they are never bigger than Him and His ability to overcome!

I am not responsible for who I am.  He is responsible for His creation- He gave me my identity.  I did not create myself.  Nor can I create for myself a better or worse identity, true identity.  My identity comes from Him alone.
Since He is the "I AM"; I am the "you are"- no qualifiers or quantifiers.


Therefore, I am not my actions.  My actions or misactions are not who I am or who I am not.

Please hear that today dear mother, loving dads.  You are!  You have been made and created for pleasure and a purpose.  I hope these words encourage you as you tackle the mistakes you make and the challenges of parenting.

2 comments :

  1. awwww love your heart sweet girl!! those babies are lucky to have such a loving mama. thank you for the reminder this morning that we are not responsible for creating our identity. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks- you are so sweet, Lesley. And happy belated bday btw! I totally forgot to send you good wishes last weekend!

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